Overcoming Suicide

Merry Christmas everybody! Hope y'all's Christmas season has been amazing and full of joy and rest. Sorry for the lack of post last week, it has been a crazy time trying to get all the Christmas presents figured out and such. This week has been kinda tough. I've had a couple of heartbreaks, and some disappointments, so I haven't really felt like celebrating Christmas. On top of all of that, Kingsleigh may not make it through the week. So, not the best week. I got to babysit for the Millers on Wednesday, and that is always fun. I also got to make g-free Christmas cookies with my Aunt Leslie. Those two days were probably the best days this week. I also have been doing a lot of reading this week. I was able to finish Scarlet by Marissa Meyer, Once Upon a Prince, How to Catch a Prince, and A Royal Christmas Wedding by Rachel Hauck, and now I am reading Looking for Alaska by John Green. Throughout all of my reading, I have been keeping a reading journal, logging what books I

Hey everybody! Sorry for the late post. It's been a rough past couple weeks. First off was hell week on campus and there were a lot of things to do to finish out the school year. That week flew by. I was so super busy I could barely keep my head above water. Last week was finals week, and I did fairly well. I passed all of my classes, and I'm so happy about that. Especially since I barely passed Geology. But, I passed, and that's all that matters. I also had to say goodbye to everyone again last week. That was super hard and I was not a happy camper. My heart still kinda hurts from having to say goodbye. The past few days have consisted of binge watching shows on Netflix, trying to eat, and sadness. Friday was pretty good though. I had the opportunity to take Author Pictures with Monica, who is an amazing photographer. I'll put her link down below. It may have been 29͒ outside, but we braved the cold for amazing pictures. She is a pro, y'all, and a wonderful friend.

Hey guys! This week has been kinda not so good, so I'm not really wanting to talk about it yet. Let's just say there was a lot of drama and stuff this week, and I'm feeling very emotionally and physically exhausted. So, yeah. Not the best week. Bridey and Lissie and everybody left for the break last week, and it was really lonely here. I missed having them and being able to talk face-to-face with them. But, they're back now, so my heart is happy. We got our Christmas tree yesterday, and that was a ton of fun. I love Christmas and getting to decorate and celebrate Jesus. I love how magical and beautiful things look, and it brings out my inner child so much. My phone is still on the fritz, and we are still trying to figure out what the heck is going on. They are sending me an entirely new phone, so we'll see if that helps. If it doesn't, then we're back to square one. People have been telling me to go ahead and keep the new phone, and I kinda want to because I

Hey peeps! This week has been not so great. I mean, there were good parts, aka yesterday, but other than that, it's been kinda down. I went on a field trip on Wednesday and got really carsick, and it lingered, and Dad thinks it was a bug or something. So, I'm still dealing with that. Then, I'm in a ton of physical pain today because I am not allowed to take painkillers. So, yeah. Not to great a week. Yesterday was really good, even though I was still feeling kinda sick. Aunt Vick and Aunt Meredith took James and me to Panera, and then to see Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them!!! Bro, that movie was AMAZING!!!!!!! I need to own it and see all the rest of the movies and own them all and binge watch them and everything. Can you tell I'm kinda excited? Afterwards, we came back to the house and did birthday presents. I got a pair of customized Converse, pictured below, and 6 books. The lettering on the Converse stands for "Trust Your Rebel Heart, Ride It Into Battl

Hey guys! Sorry about not posting last week, and the late post this week. It has been crazy busy with school and the end of the semester swiftly approaching. School has been good, and really crazy. I finally passed a geology test, thank heavens. Now, I just need to pass the rest of the class, and I'll be set. Last week was really good. I worked on Thursday night at the Belcher Center for the Rend Collective concert. Oh. My. Glob. It was AMAZING!!!!! I had a blast working and being able to see people. Friday night, Bridey came over for dinner and a movie. She was so tired, and it was so funny to watch her try and stay awake. I made her Chicken Alfredo (gluten free and low lactose), and we watched Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs 2. After, we made gluten free funfetti cake pops, and they were so good! Saturday, I watched chapel videos so I could catch up on chapel credits. Hopefully, now I'll have enough. Yesterday was frustrating towards the end. I'm still struggling with m

Hey there awesome people! This week has literally flown by. Good grief. I am quickly nearing the end of the semester, and I can feel all of the things. All the feelings. Stress, anxiety, all of it. So, yeah. This week has been really busy. It is the last week of my final 5 week online class, so I'm ready to be done. This week has been okay, emotionally. It was a rough first few days, but I'm feeling better. Yesterday was really fun. I went to campus in the morning, to film a lesson plan. Yes, I enjoyed it, no, I didn't want to do it. Anyways, after that was done, I met up with Lissie, and she took me to get a pumpkin from the library to decorate. After meeting with Nate, Micah, Jordan, and LeAnne, we got carving. Well, they got carving. I hyper-extended my thumb again on Monday, so we agreed that it was better if I didn't use a knife. So, I painted instead. Lissie was nice enough to draw the Harry Potter logo on my pumpkin, and then I painted it in. After painting for a

Hey everybody! Bet y'all thought I forgot about y'all! Nope, just forgot to post. Life has been really busy. Sorry about that. Anyways, these past couple of weeks have been good. I got to celebrate Bridey on the 11th, and it was so much fun to see her light up when I gave her the present I got her. I am so blessed to have her in my life. I also got to go to a couple of her games that Friday and Saturday. She didn't play, but I still wanted to support her. I mean, come on. She's my sister. Anyways, fall break was this week, and I got to have her over Monday night for my birthday on Tuesday. That was a ton of fun. I had a bonfire with a bunch of my friends, and was so happy to see them. My friends also gave me some of the most thoughtful things. They didn't have to, but they did anyways. My top three favorites (even though I love them all) were a stuffed Toothless from LeAnne, books from Bridey, and a trip to The Wizarding World of Harry Potter from Rinney!! YOU GUYS!

Hey guys! I hope y'all's week has been pretty good. This week has been an emotional roller coaster, and it has been really hard on my system. Halloween decorations are everywhere, so I am fighting on a daily basis not to have a panic attack. I will be so happy when this season is over. Also this week, I had a panic attack. In the middle of a lab. So, yeah. Not the best day. I am so thankful for Nikki though. She was texting me because she was across the room and could tell something wasn't right. After taking the quiz that had to be done, I had to leave, and she came out a little bit after to calm me down. We walked outside and she helped ground me by pointing out things to see, smell, feel, hear, and taste. Thankfully, this wasn't a major panic attack, so I was able to calm down after a few minutes. Thursday, I went to see a new counselor. It went well, and I hope I can continue to have meetings with them. I told my mom after I went, and she said she hopes it doesn'

Hey everybody! Hope y'all's week has been good. Sorry for the late post, but maybe I should change my post date to Sunday, since I forget to post on Saturdays now. I dunno. Anyways, this week has been really busy. My second 5 week class started this week, and I have had a lot going on. Geology is not my favorite subject. I didn't do so well on the tests these past couple weeks, so I'm kinda not happy about that. Work has been going well. I've been kept busy, so the time there just flies by. Bridey had a soccer game on Friday, so I went to watch after work. She didn't play, but it was great to go and support her anyways because she's my favorite goalie. Just saying. We have a study date today, so that's gonna be fun. Last night was really great. Micah had to get rid of the couch he built our of pallets, so we burned half of it. Lissie wanted the other half. It was a beautiful night, and the bonfire just made it so much better. I hadn't really been tha

Hey everybody! Today is one year since that night when I contemplated suicide, and led to writing this blog. This has been a crazy year, from school, to having to put my education on hold for my health, finding a job, making new friends, starting the new school year, and etc. To be honest with you, I didn't think I would make it this far, much less keep the blog going. It's been tough, and I've posted late a few times, but we made it, huh? Thank you so much for sticking with me and following me on my journey and showing your support. Today, I asked a few of my closest friends to draw a semicolon on their wrist to show their support. Just seeing those gestures and all the love I have gotten today reminds me why I do this, and why I'm still here. Even on my bad days. I am so humbled to have you guys reading this and telling me how you liked it and encouraged me. I told Bridey that I never thought I would make it this far, and she said she knew I would. Lissie told me she

Hey there everybody! This week has been pretty good, emotionally and physically. Knock on wood, because I don't want to jinx it. All of my classes have gone well this week, and I have been keeping my grades up, I hope...We'll see. I had my first Geology exam on Thursday, and even though I studied, I honestly don't think I did very well. So, we'll have to see how I do on Tuesday with the grades and everything. I've gotten to spend a lot of time with Bridey this week, which has been very nice. We have been sitting together in chapel and hanging out during free times. Friday night, Bridey asked me to come over to watch a movie because Kelsie was gone, and she wanted to do something with me. We watched Brave, which was really good. I started falling asleep during the movie, so I went home soon after. Last night I worked the Neal McCoy show at the Belcher Center. Boy, was that fun! There was a magician, Tracy Byrd, an animal show, and Neal McCoy. They brought a cheeta, a

Hey everybody. Sorry for the late post. This week has been really rough on me, and I'm still having a hard time. Wednesday, I found out that a girl that I went to school with had died Tuesday night. Ever since then, my heart has been hurting for her family and I have been grieving. She was a special girl, and let her light shine. Everyone could tell that she was a Christian. She always made sure that she greeted you with a smile and asked how you were before you could get a chance to ask about her. She gave the best hugs, and was truly a blessing when I started at ETCS from being home-schooled. I was looking through my yearbooks from ETCS, and all these memories came flooding back. So, this week has been pretty rough, and I'm still having a hard time. I'll be okay in a while, though, so don't worry about me. Saturday and today would have to be the highlights of the week. Saturday we had college people over, and we got to swim. It was a lot of fun, and there were a ton o

Hey everybody! Sorry for the late post. I had to deep clean my house, and then I fell asleep, and then we had a party celebrating Brasil's Independence Day. How's y'all's week been? Mine has been pretty good, actually. Physically I have been feeling better than normal, which, ya know, is great. But, I have been super exhausted. Like, falling asleep on my couch at 9pm exhausted. Emotionally, I have been okay. I haven't had any really bad days, and I haven't had any really good days. School has been going well, and I am getting good grades, so far. Which, we all know, I need right now. Wednesday, Bridey and I celebrated 1 year of friendship, and if you're friends with me on Facebook, you know that. It was a lot of fun just to celebrate her and the fact that she hasn't gotten rid of me yet. I wrote her a two page letter saying thank you and telling her how much she meant to me this past year. It was really good just to spend some one-on-one time with her an

Hey everybody! As per the title suggests, I have been crazy busy, so sorry for the late post. Classes are in full swing, and I am doing okay, I believe. I haven't been feeling the greatest lately, so having to compete with my health has been a major downside. Other than that, I've been okay. Emotionally has been up and down depending on how I feel physically. Wednesday and Friday of this week are probably going to be the best days, other than college night on Saturday. Wednesday will be one year since I met Bridey, and Friday will be two years since I met Lissie! Crazy, right? I still remember both vividly, and yet it feels like I've known them forever. They both mean so much to me, and I don't know where I would be without them. So, if you two are reading this, which you most likely are, thank you so much for everything. So, since this week is meaningful to me, I would like to share how I met these two amazing girls. We'll start with Lissie, since I met her first.

Hey everybody! How are y'all this week? I'm doing okay, could be better. This was the first week of classes, and I am so completely happy to be back on campus full time. I have missed being able to be a normal student. Classes are going well so far, but it's only the first week. Math is going a little tougher, but then math has never been my strong subject. Health wise, I've been okay. Stress is kinda settling in, and I've been trying not to snap from it. Monday night was probably the hardest night. My friend texted me about a situation that she had been in, and it caused a panic attack. I fully believe that it could've been worse if Bekah, Lissie, Micah, and Bridey hadn't been there. This one was really bad, you guys. I couldn't breathe, I could barely talk, and I felt like I could've started beating myself. Thankfully, the Fantastic Four mentioned above helped me start breathing again and held me so I didn't start beating myself and got me talk

Hey everybody! Hope y'all's week has been good. This week has been pretty good. I finished my last class this week, so that's a plus. I don't know my final grade yet, so I'm really nervous about that. I had a lot of anxiety about my test, and it took me forever to calm down. I'm still a little bit shaky, but I'm managing. School starts on Monday, so I'm super excited about that. I'm hoping that this year is better than last year. Like the title suggests, Lissie came back! I got to see her on Thursday night, and see her new room! That was super fun. I got to hang out with her, and take her to Walmart and help her unpack and just be with her. Talking with her was really good. She is wanting to come over tonight, but it's not for sure. Bridey has been doing pre-season, so she's been pretty busy and not able to talk a lot. But, I'm just happy my two girls are back. This week has been sort of a lazy week. I watched the entire Harry Potter seri

Hey everybody! Sorry for the late post. Yesterday I was doing schoolwork all day,  so y'all just kinda slipped my mind. This is the final week of my last class,  and I'm kinda mixed about it. On the one hand, I am dreading it because I don't want to take the final. On the other, I can't wait for it to be over because that means Lissie comes back. As you can probably tell by the title,  Bridey came back. She actually got into town last night, but I got to see her today. You have no idea how happy I am to have her back. We are gonna do something later this week,  and that makes this girl happy. I've still been writing, mainly in my new book because my first is still in editing. I'm really enjoying writing. It's been very relaxing and therapeutic. I can't wait until school starts up again, and I can see everyone. I'm gonna be back on campus this fall as a student, and I'm so ready. I also got a job! Finally! I am now employed by Dick's Sporting

Hey everybody! This week has been pretty busy. I had a test today, and let's just say that I didn't do to well. But, I don't really want to talk about it. I've been pretty depressed today. I don't really want to talk about it right now, though. I'm still processing. Mom and dad have been gone this weekend for their anniversary. James and I have been home alone, and it's been okay. We haven't blown up the house yet, which is a good thing. I have a new blog for you guys! It's not like this, where I talk to you guys. It's a story blog, where I post chapters of stories or short stories that I have written. If you are interested in reading it, I'll link it down below. I hope y'all really enjoy it. I am still writing the story that will be linked, so it's not complete yet. If you want, you can comment and leave me suggestions about what stories you would w ant to see and things like that. I also started reading The Chronicles of Narnia this

Hey there everybody! Sorry for the late post. I was busy yesterday and y'all just slipped from my mind.  This week has been pretty good,  I guess. I have still been struggling with the feeling that I am a glitch and a screwup, so TC sent me the picture he made. When I got it, I started crying because it spoke to me. I have it set as my lock screen on my phone,  and I've been reading it multiple times. I also got new glasses this week! I have been needing new glasses for a couple years and I am so happy to finally have them. The clear ones are my everyday ones, and the black pair are back up ones. I got Panda colored glasses. Bridey was very happy with that connection. Only one week until Rebekah gets back, two until Bridey gets back, and three until Lissie comes back. I don't know how I'm gonna stand it. My first book is still in editing and I may have the cover squared away. I have already started on my second, and so far people like it. I hope y'all enjoy it. Anyw

Hey everybody. This week was okay, and I'll get into the heart of the post later. Sunday I finished the first draft of my book. Like, all chapters written and everything!!! I have been working on this thing for just over four years now, and it feels great to have the first draft done. Bridey and Bekah have said that they would like to be my editors, so they both have a copy of it and are going to edit and help me finish it. Lissie has agreed to help me with the cover design, and hopefully, I should have it for sale on Kindle and in hardcover at the end of the year. That's the dream, anyway. My last 5 week class started this week. It's called The Life and Teachings of Jesus. I am enjoying it so far, and it is a lot of reading, which I love. I have to finish my week's work today, so that's what I'm mostly going to be doing. I also have been working on Lissie's birthday present this week. I can't say what it is because she reads this blog and it would spoil

Hello Humans! As you can tell by my title, my Lit class is over! I am over the moon excited about that because that class caused more nightmares and panic attacks than I have had in the past 7 months alone. Good grief. All of the stories were horror level bad. I'm just glad that it's over. Sorry for not posting last week. I hadn't slept in almost 48 hours and y'all just slipped from my mind. Hey, I'm only human. These past few days I have become more and more obsessed with Peter Hollens. I swear, the man is fantastic. He and his wife are professional singers and both started Acapella groups at U of O. So, yeah. They're amazing. I'll link my favorite video that he has made below. Life has been okay, I suppose. I've been really missing school and my friends and such. It's been tough being apart. My dad said to look into train tickets to go see Bridey, and it would be a 13.5 hour trip one way. That is ridiculous. I could drive down there in half the tim

Hey everybody! Sorry this post is late. This week has been a week of laying low and resting. The wisdom teeth removal on Tuesday went well, and I'm recovering nicely, I hope. I have been on pain meds and antibiotics since Tuesday, and they have helped somewhat. The pain meds make me drowsy, and I can barely stay awake during the day and keep my head up. I have been watching movies and T.V. shows mainly Hogan's Heroes and movies that don't make me smile or laugh because it hurts. I'm still very sore, but not swollen. Only one cheek swelled up after the surgery, which was nice. Thursday night was probably the best night of the week. Lissie and I got to talk for a long time, and she called me to talk about some stuff that I was dealing with. I don't want to go into details yet, but I may in a later post. Let's just say I've been struggling with a lot of stuff. Still no luck with the job search, so I'm still frustrated by that. I also have to pay something f

Hey everybody! This week has been okay. I'd have to say the highlight was going to my Aunt Vick and Aunt Meredith's house for dinner and smoothie making. I hadn't had that much fun all summer, and it was good to be out of the house for a bit and to hang with my family.  Emotionally, I've been doing pretty good. No depression or anything this week. I did have a panic attack on Tuesday, which, as we all know, is not good for me. Just to let y'all know some tips for being my friend with my anxiety: (1) reassure me constantly of our friendship because I am constantly scared I am going to lose you. (2) Tell me when you are on your way to my house or on you're home because I worry about your safety. (3) Give me hugs, tight ones because those help relieve my anxiety. (4) Take the time to identify my triggers, even though I more than likely have told you them because you will know how to help me. (5) This one is important, NO SURPRISES UNLESS YOU KNOW IT WILL MAKE ME HA

Hey everybody. Just a little update before I get to the heart of this post. This week has been okay, I suppose. Loneliness has set in, and I'm really missing my girls. They are all over Facebook, and I miss seeing them face to face. I started my second class on Monday, called Great Writers of the Western World. It's been pretty good, so far. I mean, I'm only a week in, but I'm liking it okay. The first couple of stories were morbid and creepy, but the work is not too bad. This weekend, up to Tuesday, I have the entire house to myself, and I get to be an adult and be me and blast music loudly and all hours of the day and such. I'm kinda excited about that. :) I still have had no luck in finding a job, and I got even more good (not) news on Monday. I have to have my wisdom teeth out. ASAP. So, I have an appointment with an oral surgeon on Thursday to set up surgery and stuff like that. Hoorah. I also get to go to my Aunt Vick's house Monday night for dinner. I'

"Jesus replied, ' You don’t understand now what I am doing, but someday you will.'" ~ John 13:7. I don't understand a lot of things. Like, why God allowed me to deal with all these health issues, or why I can't find a job, or why I deal with depression and all of those things, or why I had to choose between my health or my school. It really frustrates me that I can't understand any of these things and that I am dealing with all of this. I know that He has a plan and a purpose, but it feels like there is nothing going on and that I am in a waiting period. I have been listening to the song "Waiting Room" by Jonny Diaz a lot. It kind of helps keep everything in perspective for me. I'll have it linked down below if you want to listen to it. Anyways, this week has been nothing short of disappointing, with the exception of about three hours on Saturday night. That's the reason for the late post, so, sorry about that. I'm only human. I too

Hey everybody! Sorry about the lack of post last week. It completely left my mind with all the stress that I'm under. It's been four weeks since I started looking for a job, and I have had no luck. I have applied for at least 15 different places, and have not heard from anyone. I have a 400 dollar insurance payment due next month, so the pressure is getting worse. I feel like I am going to snap from all this pressure. I've already yelled at my family, and slammed my door and such. So, yeah. Not been the best past couple of weeks. There have been three good things that have happened in the past 14 days. One, I got to see my friend Zoey. She moved out of state two years ago, and I had only seen her once since then. She moved back this summer, and I surprised her at her job to say hi and catch up for a minute. Two, I went to the lake for the day. Now, I was feeling really sick all day, so all I did was sleep in a hammock, but it felt good to be out of the house for a bit. Thre

Hey there everybody! Sorry this post is late. I could't put together two thoughts for this, so I needed to just wait and think. This week has been a lay-low week. Well, to be correct, lay-low since Tuesday. I twisted my knee on Tuesday afternoon, so I haven't really been able to walk. The up side to that is my cat, Amie Grace, hasn't really left my side whenever I go out into the living room. She's pretty much the best cat ever. Kingsleigh's still alive and swimming happily. As per the title of this blog suggests, I've been doing a lot of writing lately. I started a novel about four years ago, and I recently started back up again. I've been writing a lot. Bridey, Michael, Cat and Monica have been reading it and giving me feedback to say what needs to be improved. I'm hoping to finish it this year and publish it for all of you guys to read. I've been working hard on it, and I've gotten some publishing information from a friend of mine. I had a pre

Hey everybody. This week has been stressful and frustrating, as the title suggests. My room was infested with fleas. Again. So, I am covered in bites. I also have had no success in finding a job. I don't know why. I have applied to five different places, and it has been two weeks since I filled out the applications, but it's been all radio silence. I have been so stressed that it has been affecting my sleep. Wednesday night I got no sleep, so I was absolutely exhausted all day Thursday. My parent's wouldn't let me take a nap or sleep at all through the day. Tears and movies were a part of my day. I ended up passing out at 9:30pm, and I slept until 11:15am Friday. With all the great sleep I got, you'd think it would continue, right? Wrong. I didn't get to sleep until 4, and I only slept for 6 hours. I am so far beyond exhausted. So, sleep would be fantastic. Class has been pretty good this week, even though it's the first week. I've been working hard at k

Hey everybody! This week has been kinda tough. Like emotionally and physically. Sleep is still evading me, and I'm so ready to sleep normally again. This week also marked the end of my freshman year of college, even though I didn't have any classes this semester. I had to say goodbye to all of my friends, save Michael and Bekah. Saying goodbye was harder than I expected, and I spent a couple of days in bed crying and wishing that my friends didn't live so far away. I mean, Bridey is 7 hours away, and Lissie is in Alaska, so the only way of communication is texting or FaceTime or something like that. Honestly, I don't know how I would've survived this semester without all the friends I made at LeTourneau. Everything fell apart so quickly and so suddenly that there were times that I didn't want to wake up in the mornings. But Bridey, Kendal, Lissie, Bekah, Michael, Kelsie, Claire, Jake, Micah, Emily, and Martha were there when I needed them and the way they rallie

Hey everybody! So, as if you couldn't already tell, there have been storms this week. Now, I don't do well in storms. I was trying my hardest not to have panic attacks most days. I didn't have any major ones, but I was definitely scared. Other than the storms, this week has been pretty laid back and relaxed. Bridey came over on Tuesday and hung out for a bit. We also had to go to Walmart so she could get some stuff for the End of Year party Saturday night. I have been living in my room lately. I don't really come out unless I needed to find some food to force into my body. I'm still catching up from last weekend's festivities, so I'm still pretty tired. Tonight was the End of Year party that I mentioned earlier. It was the first event with the group that I have gotten to go to all semester. I was really happy to go and see everybody. I also made them a video. I put together a bunch of the pics from throughout the year and set them to music. They didn't k

Hey everybody! This week has been very exhausting. Period. I got zero hours of sleep on Sunday night, so I slept all day Monday. Tuesday through Friday were pretty uneventful. Friday was a big day. It's homecoming weekend at LeTourneau, so there was something that involved the Pro-Life group. I was feeling great that day, a little tired but great, so I went to be a part of it and to see Bridey and all them. It was a lot of fun! Then last night was Hootenanny. I really wanted to go this year because I couldn't last year due to the fact that I was on my senior trip. I was super bummed. But this year, I got to go! I was so happy that I felt good enough to go to a big event and be out of my house for more than an hour. It was so nice. My whole family went, but I ended up spending the whole night with Bridey and her roommate Kelsie. It was a whole lot of fun.The acts were great, the theme was great, I mean, I had the best time that I've had in a long time. I also bought a shirt

Hey everybody! This week has been crazy, full, good, and weird. Emotionally, I have been pretty good, just drained from last week's depression. Sleep has been my best friend. Physically, now that's another story. I've been feeling exhausted and pretty sick for the whole week. Especially Saturday. I honestly did not want to go anywhere or do anything. But, I had promised Bridey and Co, a bonfire, so I made it work. We had 10 people come for the bonfire, which was a great turn out! We roasted hot dogs and made s'mores over the fire. None of which I could eat, which I didn't want to do anyways. Wednesday, though, would have to be the highlight of my week. I got a fishie! Now, I have been posting pictures and such on Instagram and Facebook, so most of you probably know about her. She  is a pink Beta fish, and her name is Kingsleigh. Amie Grace, my cat, has taken a liking to her. Not to eat her, as Lissie says quite often. When I first introduced them, Amie Grace sat on

Hey everybody. Sorry this post is going up late. I have been contemplating what to write, and how to express my current struggles. So, I'm just going to go for it. I feel like dirt. All day Sunday I was coming to terms with this new feeling and I just couldn't handle it. I went to campus to try and clear my head and to vent to Bridey (Thanks so much, by the way. You're the bestest! :) I honestly felt so ready to just drive my car into the Sabine. I just felt so dirty, with all of my struggles. Not just my depression and suicidal thoughts, but my sickness and the fact that I don't really see my self worth. I just honestly didn't think that I could look at myself anymore and I just wanted to tell someone. I'm too scared to go to my parents, and don't really feel comfortable telling them about this stuff. It's just something that happened and I don't know why. So, I went and talked to Bridey. It felt weird to say those things and to try and come to term

Hey there everybody! I hope y'all had a great Easter holiday and that you remembered all the things that Jesus did for us. This week has been pretty okay. I mean, it had its ups and downs. I have been trying to adjust to my new meds and diet system that the Nutritionist recommended, and so far, I have more energy, and I have been sleeping better. But, that's about it. Still feeling the nausea and the pain. Definitely still exhausted. But, maybe this'll help? I dunno. Friday I went to campus to surprise Bridey. James (my brosef) started work on Friday at Sonic, so I decided that I would get Bridey her favorite slush and surprise her! I asked a mutual friend to try and stall her, but she got away and was in her room by the time I got there. The look on her face was absolutely priceless. She looked like she had seen a ghost! It was the best. We had Pizza night again tonight, which was absolutely fun! Jennie, Bekah Bear, Lissie, Micah, and Michael all came, and we watched Big H

What's up everybody? This week has been slow at times, and super fast at others. I did something really big this week. I left my house! Oh, my gosh, right? Mockingjay part 2 was released on DVD Tuesday, and Mom said that I should be determined and go get it. Well, I did! I got that, Despicable Me, three pairs of shorts, and an Eeyore onesie! Then, I went to campus and surprised people with a visit. Bridey had to do a double take when she first saw me, and the look on her face was priceless! I also saw my PA, Emily, and it was so good to get to talk to her for a little bit. I then saw my Aunt Vicki, Kendal, Liz, Michael, Cat, Micah, and Jacob. It was so good to say hi and prove that I was alive, even though I'm getting smaller by the minute. I was worn out after that, and I got into my new onesie and did a Hunger Games movie marathon that didn't finish until 4 am. It was amazing. The next couple of days were recovery days because of my low energy, so I was just taking some t

Hey everybody! Well, another week has gone by, and I am still feeling like a zombie. Sleep still doesn't like me, so yay for sleep deprivation! Not. The biggest thing this week was that I went to a nutritionist to see what she suggests to help me feel better. She had a lot to say, and some diet changes are in order along with some new supplements and herbs to try. The stuff should be in Monday, so that's when it'll start. We'll see how this goes. I've been re-reading Harry Potter again. I love reading, and the whole entire series just makes me happy. I was telling a couple of my friends (Lissie and Bridey) that I know everything about anything there is to know about Harry Potter. Every time a new post show up that has "new facts that you've never heard before", I laugh. I know them all. I'm weird like that. Bridey, Lissie, Micah and Michael came over tonight, and I was so happy. After not seeing them for two weeks, I was so glad to talk to them in