What I Am

Hey everybody. This week was okay, and I'll get into the heart of the post later. Sunday I finished the first draft of my book. Like, all chapters written and everything!!! I have been working on this thing for just over four years now, and it feels great to have the first draft done. Bridey and Bekah have said that they would like to be my editors, so they both have a copy of it and are going to edit and help me finish it. Lissie has agreed to help me with the cover design, and hopefully, I should have it for sale on Kindle and in hardcover at the end of the year. That's the dream, anyway. My last 5 week class started this week. It's called The Life and Teachings of Jesus. I am enjoying it so far, and it is a lot of reading, which I love. I have to finish my week's work today, so that's what I'm mostly going to be doing. I also have been working on Lissie's birthday present this week. I can't say what it is because she reads this blog and it would spoil the surprise. So there Liss! Ha! Antyways, VBS was this week at my church, which I didn't know until Sunday morning when I went to church. Mom and James were doing that this week and James had to work every night but Wednesday, poor kid. It was kinda lonely, having no one here. But I managed, I guess. 

 So, to the heart of this post. Earlier this week I started feeling down, and I had no idea why. I had been writing, and that was fun for me, but I just felt down. I started realizing that I am a screw up, or a glitch in the system of life because of all my issues that I have been dealing with, and that no one would love me and want to be with me for the rest of my life. Well, Bridey was very quick to put that out, but I haven't been able to get that feeling out of my mind. It has been a real struggle this week. People say that I'm great and wonderful and amazing and all that jazz, but I don't feel like I am any of those things. I honestly feel like I am a glitch and a screw up. I know that none of this is true, but it is just how I feel. So, how about we address this in society? More people than I can count struggle with this, but a lot of people think that is just something that can be fixed with one solution. News flash! It's not. This is something so complex that, most of the time, the people who struggle with all these things don't understand it. A lot of people think that counseling sessions or just praying over the person will help. I've tried all of that. It hasn't really helped. Talking to my best friends has, and just calming down has. Maybe for some people, counseling and prayer will help. For me, I want people who really know me to listen and to help me process what I am thinking and feeling. 

 Sorry if this post has been kind of a downer, but that's what I had to say. Anyways, have a great week you amazing people you!

 Stay Beautiful!
Marlee

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