What No One Told Me

Hey everybody! Sorry for the late post. I had to deep clean my house, and then I fell asleep, and then we had a party celebrating Brasil's Independence Day. How's y'all's week been? Mine has been pretty good, actually. Physically I have been feeling better than normal, which, ya know, is great. But, I have been super exhausted. Like, falling asleep on my couch at 9pm exhausted. Emotionally, I have been okay. I haven't had any really bad days, and I haven't had any really good days. School has been going well, and I am getting good grades, so far. Which, we all know, I need right now. Wednesday, Bridey and I celebrated 1 year of friendship, and if you're friends with me on Facebook, you know that. It was a lot of fun just to celebrate her and the fact that she hasn't gotten rid of me yet. I wrote her a two page letter saying thank you and telling her how much she meant to me this past year. It was really good just to spend some one-on-one time with her and to relax. Friday, Lissie and I celebrated 2 years of friendship by failing at doing homework. I went to her apartment, (which is super cool, by the way) and we hung out together. She helped me ride her longboard, and we talked about going on a worldwide cruse and driving across Europe, and just spent time together. It is rare that I get one-on-one time with Lissie, and it was really special to me that she took the time to hang out with me. I also wrote her a two page letter. I think I am gonna make that a thing for these two. I am so thankful for both of these beautiful girls, and I can't wait to spend more time with both of them, and have so many more adventures. Friday was also a day of realization for me. Y'all know I started this to share how I was doing and try to help others. Well, at the beginning of  all of this, after my first post, I got a message from one of my friends on Facebook that really hurt and confused me more than it helped me. The thing that stuck out to me, and what I have been wrestling with for almost a year now, is that they said I would not go to Heaven if I committed suicide. I'm sure I have told a lot of y'all how I lost my baby sister, and I want to see her in Heaven someday. Well, when they said that to me, all of those dreams shattered, and I cried for a long time. Well, Friday we had a speaker in Chapel that helped heal some of that hurt. He showed a video of himself on a radio show, and a lady called in asking if their son who committed suicide went to Heaven. He (the Speaker) proceeded to quote Romans 8:38-39 to her, and told her that NOTHING could separate her son from Jesus. That hit me like a ton of bricks to the face. Lissie was sitting with me, and she knew that this was emotional for me, and she let me know that she was there for me. I ended up having to leave because I was sobbing, and wondering why no one had ever told me what the Speaker said. Lissie followed me out a couple minutes later, and held me and comforted me while I just sobbed and wondered. Lissie told me that all of it was true, and that it was God speaking to me. We both missed the last half of chapel because of what I was processing, and it meant a lot to me that she was there for me. Today, instead of going to church, I realized that I just needed to spend time with God, just me and Him. I went out to our tree fort that is falling apart, and sat up there and read and reread Romans 8:38-39, and just let it sink it. Not even I can separate myself from God's love. And that absolutely blows my mind. I'm still processing all of this, and that may take me a while. So, just hang in there with me. Anyways, have a great week! Love y'all!

Stay beautiful!
Marlee