Overcoming Suicide

Hey everybody! So, as if you couldn't already tell, there have been storms this week. Now, I don't do well in storms. I was trying my hardest not to have panic attacks most days. I didn't have any major ones, but I was definitely scared. Other than the storms, this week has been pretty laid back and relaxed. Bridey came over on Tuesday and hung out for a bit. We also had to go to Walmart so she could get some stuff for the End of Year party Saturday night. I have been living in my room lately. I don't really come out unless I needed to find some food to force into my body. I'm still catching up from last weekend's festivities, so I'm still pretty tired. Tonight was the End of Year party that I mentioned earlier. It was the first event with the group that I have gotten to go to all semester. I was really happy to go and see everybody. I also made them a video. I put together a bunch of the pics from throughout the year and set them to music. They didn't k...

Hey everybody! This week has been very exhausting. Period. I got zero hours of sleep on Sunday night, so I slept all day Monday. Tuesday through Friday were pretty uneventful. Friday was a big day. It's homecoming weekend at LeTourneau, so there was something that involved the Pro-Life group. I was feeling great that day, a little tired but great, so I went to be a part of it and to see Bridey and all them. It was a lot of fun! Then last night was Hootenanny. I really wanted to go this year because I couldn't last year due to the fact that I was on my senior trip. I was super bummed. But this year, I got to go! I was so happy that I felt good enough to go to a big event and be out of my house for more than an hour. It was so nice. My whole family went, but I ended up spending the whole night with Bridey and her roommate Kelsie. It was a whole lot of fun.The acts were great, the theme was great, I mean, I had the best time that I've had in a long time. I also bought a shirt ...

Hey everybody! This week has been crazy, full, good, and weird. Emotionally, I have been pretty good, just drained from last week's depression. Sleep has been my best friend. Physically, now that's another story. I've been feeling exhausted and pretty sick for the whole week. Especially Saturday. I honestly did not want to go anywhere or do anything. But, I had promised Bridey and Co, a bonfire, so I made it work. We had 10 people come for the bonfire, which was a great turn out! We roasted hot dogs and made s'mores over the fire. None of which I could eat, which I didn't want to do anyways. Wednesday, though, would have to be the highlight of my week. I got a fishie! Now, I have been posting pictures and such on Instagram and Facebook, so most of you probably know about her. She  is a pink Beta fish, and her name is Kingsleigh. Amie Grace, my cat, has taken a liking to her. Not to eat her, as Lissie says quite often. When I first introduced them, Amie Grace sat on ...

Hey everybody. Sorry this post is going up late. I have been contemplating what to write, and how to express my current struggles. So, I'm just going to go for it. I feel like dirt. All day Sunday I was coming to terms with this new feeling and I just couldn't handle it. I went to campus to try and clear my head and to vent to Bridey (Thanks so much, by the way. You're the bestest! :) I honestly felt so ready to just drive my car into the Sabine. I just felt so dirty, with all of my struggles. Not just my depression and suicidal thoughts, but my sickness and the fact that I don't really see my self worth. I just honestly didn't think that I could look at myself anymore and I just wanted to tell someone. I'm too scared to go to my parents, and don't really feel comfortable telling them about this stuff. It's just something that happened and I don't know why. So, I went and talked to Bridey. It felt weird to say those things and to try and come to term...

Hey there everybody! I hope y'all had a great Easter holiday and that you remembered all the things that Jesus did for us. This week has been pretty okay. I mean, it had its ups and downs. I have been trying to adjust to my new meds and diet system that the Nutritionist recommended, and so far, I have more energy, and I have been sleeping better. But, that's about it. Still feeling the nausea and the pain. Definitely still exhausted. But, maybe this'll help? I dunno. Friday I went to campus to surprise Bridey. James (my brosef) started work on Friday at Sonic, so I decided that I would get Bridey her favorite slush and surprise her! I asked a mutual friend to try and stall her, but she got away and was in her room by the time I got there. The look on her face was absolutely priceless. She looked like she had seen a ghost! It was the best. We had Pizza night again tonight, which was absolutely fun! Jennie, Bekah Bear, Lissie, Micah, and Michael all came, and we watche...

What's up everybody? This week has been slow at times, and super fast at others. I did something really big this week. I left my house! Oh, my gosh, right? Mockingjay part 2 was released on DVD Tuesday, and Mom said that I should be determined and go get it. Well, I did! I got that, Despicable Me, three pairs of shorts, and an Eeyore onesie! Then, I went to campus and surprised people with a visit. Bridey had to do a double take when she first saw me, and the look on her face was priceless! I also saw my PA, Emily, and it was so good to get to talk to her for a little bit. I then saw my Aunt Vicki, Kendal, Liz, Michael, Cat, Micah, and Jacob. It was so good to say hi and prove that I was alive, even though I'm getting smaller by the minute. I was worn out after that, and I got into my new onesie and did a Hunger Games movie marathon that didn't finish until 4 am. It was amazing. The next couple of days were recovery days because of my low energy, so I was just taking some t...

Hey everybody! Well, another week has gone by, and I am still feeling like a zombie. Sleep still doesn't like me, so yay for sleep deprivation! Not. The biggest thing this week was that I went to a nutritionist to see what she suggests to help me feel better. She had a lot to say, and some diet changes are in order along with some new supplements and herbs to try. The stuff should be in Monday, so that's when it'll start. We'll see how this goes. I've been re-reading Harry Potter again. I love reading, and the whole entire series just makes me happy. I was telling a couple of my friends (Lissie and Bridey) that I know everything about anything there is to know about Harry Potter. Every time a new post show up that has "new facts that you've never heard before", I laugh. I know them all. I'm weird like that. Bridey, Lissie, Micah and Michael came over tonight, and I was so happy. After not seeing them for two weeks, I was so glad to talk to them in ...