13 Reasons Why? What is this?
Hey guys. So, I have come across this new show on Netflix called "13 Reasons Why..." and it has been all over my Facebook and YouTube as well. I am going to be honest. I don't like this at all. As someone who struggles with suicide, I can personally attest to the feelings that go along with dealing with suicidal thoughts and why I have them. But blaming others? That is definitely not okay. By killing yourself, you are already making a huge impact on those you leave behind. They are all going to feel guilty about your death, and that they didn't try harder. I honestly thing that this is a horrible thing and I don't want it around. Bridey said something to me a while ago and it has left a huge impact on me. I was in one of my dark places, and she said that if I did kill myself, I would be projecting my depression and pain onto her and my other dear friends. With this making such a big deal, I want to tell you 13 reasons why I haven't committed suicide yet.
Reason 1: My friends.
Honestly, my friends are one of the major reasons that I haven't killed myself yet. I have a fantastic support system, and they know when I need help and what they can do about it. They will sit and listen to me for hours on end and help me work through what I need to get through.
Reason 2: Jesus
Jesus is the other major reason that I haven't killed myself yet. I have been spending more time with Him and really trying to listen for His voice and what He tells me instead of what I have been told for years and years. I'm still working hard to listen, and I don't have it perfect yet, but I will get there.
Reason 3: AJ
My sweet girl. What kind of example would I be if I killed myself? She is so special to me and I never want her to go through what I have been going through, and I hope she never does. But if she does, and I'm not there, what would happen? I need to be there for her so she has someone safe to talk to.
Reason 4: My Story Isn't Done
I know that I say this a lot, and it's what my brand is, but my story isn't done yet. I have to believe that, because if I don't, then there isn't really a reason worth living. I want to continue my story so I can try and help others who have gone through what I have gone through.
Reason 5: My Future Family
I want a family. That is no secret. I want a big family. A husband and 6 kids, three boys and three girls. I already have my girls named, and name ideas for my boys. If I'm not there, where will my children be?
Reason 6: My Future Students
I want to be a teacher. If I'm not there, what kind of impact will I have made on my students? There would be no impact. My students would be someone else's and that makes me sad. I already love my future students and I want the best for them.
Reason 7: Amie Grace
My sweet kitty muffin. What would happen to her if I was gone? I know my family would take care of her, but she wouldn't have her momma, the one who raised her and loved her the most. I can't imagine a world for her without me in it. That kind of world would be such a sad world for her.
Reason 8: Music
I love music. That's no big secret. All of my music has helped me in one way or another. From preordering and album and having to fight to listen to it, or just having some music to help take my mind off the tough times. Music has helped me so much, and the artists don't even know it.
Reason 9: Disney Movies
Okay, this one may catch you off guard a little bit. I love Disney movies, and they always seem to cheer me up when I'm feeling down. They're fantasy and music (see what I mean?) help me feel better because there is always a happy ending, no matter how hard things get. I want to have my happy ending.
Reason 10: The Sunlight
I love the sunlight. I hate cloudy days. I love feeling the warmth of the sun on my skin and having to wear sunglasses and I love feeling free. On sunny days, I could lie outside for hours and just feel the sun on my skin and I don't want to miss another sunny day.
Reason 11: Books
This one shouldn't be too big of a surprise. If I was gone, how would I get to read my favorite books over and over and how would I be able to read new books and share my love of books and reading? To me, books are more precious than gold. I love the adventures I can go on, from the safety of my home or my yard.
Reason 12: Memories
I absolutely love the memories that I have with my friends and fam. I write all the good ones down and put them in my memory jar to read every New Year's. If I was gone, what memories could I miss out on? I don't want to miss out on any memories that could happen.
Reason 13: I am Loved
I am still working on reminding myself of this one. I am loved, not only by Jesus, but my friends and fam. Most days, I don't feel very loved, but I am working at reminding myself that I am loved and that I am worth loving, even with all my struggles.
I hope you have a good insight on why I am giving you my 13 reasons. There are many more that I could think of if I had the time, but I think this is a good start. There is a quote I have on my wall, and it reminds me of what my goal is.
Stay beautiful!
Marlee
Reason 1: My friends.
Honestly, my friends are one of the major reasons that I haven't killed myself yet. I have a fantastic support system, and they know when I need help and what they can do about it. They will sit and listen to me for hours on end and help me work through what I need to get through.
Reason 2: Jesus
Jesus is the other major reason that I haven't killed myself yet. I have been spending more time with Him and really trying to listen for His voice and what He tells me instead of what I have been told for years and years. I'm still working hard to listen, and I don't have it perfect yet, but I will get there.
Reason 3: AJ
My sweet girl. What kind of example would I be if I killed myself? She is so special to me and I never want her to go through what I have been going through, and I hope she never does. But if she does, and I'm not there, what would happen? I need to be there for her so she has someone safe to talk to.
Reason 4: My Story Isn't Done
I know that I say this a lot, and it's what my brand is, but my story isn't done yet. I have to believe that, because if I don't, then there isn't really a reason worth living. I want to continue my story so I can try and help others who have gone through what I have gone through.
Reason 5: My Future Family
I want a family. That is no secret. I want a big family. A husband and 6 kids, three boys and three girls. I already have my girls named, and name ideas for my boys. If I'm not there, where will my children be?
Reason 6: My Future Students
I want to be a teacher. If I'm not there, what kind of impact will I have made on my students? There would be no impact. My students would be someone else's and that makes me sad. I already love my future students and I want the best for them.
Reason 7: Amie Grace
My sweet kitty muffin. What would happen to her if I was gone? I know my family would take care of her, but she wouldn't have her momma, the one who raised her and loved her the most. I can't imagine a world for her without me in it. That kind of world would be such a sad world for her.
Reason 8: Music
I love music. That's no big secret. All of my music has helped me in one way or another. From preordering and album and having to fight to listen to it, or just having some music to help take my mind off the tough times. Music has helped me so much, and the artists don't even know it.
Reason 9: Disney Movies
Okay, this one may catch you off guard a little bit. I love Disney movies, and they always seem to cheer me up when I'm feeling down. They're fantasy and music (see what I mean?) help me feel better because there is always a happy ending, no matter how hard things get. I want to have my happy ending.
Reason 10: The Sunlight
I love the sunlight. I hate cloudy days. I love feeling the warmth of the sun on my skin and having to wear sunglasses and I love feeling free. On sunny days, I could lie outside for hours and just feel the sun on my skin and I don't want to miss another sunny day.
Reason 11: Books
This one shouldn't be too big of a surprise. If I was gone, how would I get to read my favorite books over and over and how would I be able to read new books and share my love of books and reading? To me, books are more precious than gold. I love the adventures I can go on, from the safety of my home or my yard.
Reason 12: Memories
I absolutely love the memories that I have with my friends and fam. I write all the good ones down and put them in my memory jar to read every New Year's. If I was gone, what memories could I miss out on? I don't want to miss out on any memories that could happen.
Reason 13: I am Loved
I am still working on reminding myself of this one. I am loved, not only by Jesus, but my friends and fam. Most days, I don't feel very loved, but I am working at reminding myself that I am loved and that I am worth loving, even with all my struggles.
I hope you have a good insight on why I am giving you my 13 reasons. There are many more that I could think of if I had the time, but I think this is a good start. There is a quote I have on my wall, and it reminds me of what my goal is.
"She conquered her demons and wore her scars like wings" ~ AtticusI am going to conquer my demons. I will get through this. Anyways, that's all for this week. Have a good one!
Stay beautiful!
Marlee
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